I have officially completed 28 years of existence on earth. To celebrate this milestone, I decided to do something I have wanted to do for more than a decade — start a blog. So who am I? What do I have to say? Just like you, I am a regular person trying to find my way through life. I want to share the insights I have gained along the way. Why should my insights interest you? Since you haven’t yet stopped reading, I believe you are, at the very least, curious about what I have to say. Maybe you want to know how different people experience life and what they learn along the way, or maybe you want to see if you can relate to a stranger on the internet. In any case, I am happy you are here.
I do not claim to have figured out life. Just like everyone else, I go through the ups and downs of life. Like everyone else, I experience both joy and sorrow. But even when life hits me hard, I know how to find my way back to happiness. Some lessons I have learned over the years make it easier for me to get back on track. If you are still interested in what I have to say, please read on.
1. “Know thyself.” I believe the foundational step to living a fulfilled life is to know what matters the most to you: What are your core values? What works for you and what does not? What makes you happy? What triggers you and why? The more you know yourself, the more likely you are to make choices that align with the life you want to create.
2. Set your priorities right. You only have so much time and energy. You have to decide what deserves your attention and what does not. Contentment comes from prioritizing what matters to you, not what society says should matter to you.
3. Be authentic. Be yourself. Free yourself from other people’s expectations. So you think you have too many quirks and that you have to be a toned-down version of yourself to be accepted by your peers? Chuck that thought. Your quirks are often the very things that make you endearing. I think in metaphors and love expressing myself poetically. The result, when I choose to open up to someone, is a dramatic communication style. Do the people in my circle find it weird? Hell yes! And they love me all the more for it.
4. Be true to your values. You betray yourself by going against your values, and nothing else will cause you as much anguish as betraying yourself. Whenever your actions or choices cause you distress, ask yourself if they stand in opposition to your values.
5. Remember that you share this world with other people. Be considerate. Be kind. If you only care about your feelings and expect everyone to bend over backwards for you, you need to re-evaluate your beliefs. No one owes you anything, and no one likes to be around entitled people. If you want people to take you seriously, you have to give them the same kind of respect you expect from them.
6. Appreciate what you have. Count your blessings. For me, gratitude has been nothing short of life-changing. When I first started practising gratitude some years ago by deliberately focusing on things to be grateful for, I was astounded by its transformative and magical power. Over the years, gratitude has become my natural state of being. Once you learn to appreciate all that you have in life, you stop needing more. Your happiness no longer depends on the next big milestone, and you begin to see everything as a blessing.
7. Take responsibility for your life. While it is true that what happens to us is beyond our control, how we deal with it is within our power. When life throws us a curveball, blaming something or someone else is easy. But when we place the blame on others, we give our power away. When we hold others responsible for our troubles, we accept that we can’t do anything about it. We take our power back the moment we decide that we are in charge of our lives. Only by putting ourselves in the driver’s seat can we control the direction of our lives.
8. Prioritize your health and learn to take care of your body. Recovering from setbacks in any area of your life is possible as long as you are in good health. Having a healthy body empowers you to endure and overcome the challenges you face in life. But if your health is failing, no matter how immaculate everything else is, you always feel a sense of hopelessness. Your health determines the quality of your whole life. If you have the gift of good health, consider yourself blessed and do all that you can to keep your body fit and healthy.
9. Connect with the right people. Find your tribe and nurture your bonds. The nature of your relationships is one of the biggest predictors of not only your happiness but also your health and longevity. The people you associate with will either enrich your life or become a source of stress. Be selective about the people you admit into your circle. Keep your distance from people who drag you down and stay close to those who give you wings.
10. Find ways to show your appreciation, gratitude, and love to those who make a difference in your life. I always make it a point to thank people who have had a positive impact on my life. Expressing my appreciation brings me a lot of joy, and people love it when I appreciate them. As long as you come from a place of sincerity, this win-win situation can never go wrong.
11. Give people your undivided attention. Recall a conversation with someone who was visibly distracted. Maybe they were constantly checking their phone or looking at their watch. Now recall a time when you had someone’s full attention. Their responses were thoughtful, their questions indicative of their interest in the conversation. I have no doubt that it was an interesting and engaging conversation. Being fully present during a conversation lets people know that you care about them and are interested in what they have to say. Genuine connections happen only when you pay attention.
12. Have strong boundaries. We are social creatures: we want to please others, impress others, and bond with them. So when someone crosses a personal boundary, we try to make allowances for their behaviour and avoid confrontation. While it might seem harmless at first, it teaches others that it is okay to cross our boundaries.
The more you let people cross your boundaries, the less they will respect you and your boundaries. The less they respect your boundaries, the more you will resent them. It is the perfect recipe for disaster.
13. Learn to enjoy your own company. Make friends with your mind. I don’t ever get bored when I am alone because the world inside my mind fascinates me. As an introvert, I have mastered the art of keeping myself engaged and entertained, so I don’t feel the need to stay constantly connected to others. Not having to depend on others to keep you busy, happy or entertained is liberating.
14. Enjoy the little things. I take pride in the fact that I don’t need much to be happy. I find joy in the simple pleasures of life: a good conversation, a delicious meal, a breezy evening, or a day off. Don’t wait for something big to happen before you can be happy. Learn to cherish the simple joys of life. That is where the magic lies.
15. Be curious. Be interested in the world around you. Let your experiences broaden your mind. If we remain curious and open to new perspectives, getting through a day without learning at least something new is impossible. Every day, every encounter and every experience is an opportunity to expand our minds.
16. Learn how to manage your finances. Know where your money goes. Plan, save and invest. Secure your future so that you don’t have to worry about it later. If you are just starting to earn, you might fall into the trap of wanting to splurge while you can because you have fewer responsibilities. But the best time to start saving and investing is exactly when you don’t have too many responsibilities. Use this to your advantage and save/invest more than you spend. Moreover, the sooner you start, the more your money will grow. That is the power of compounding.
17. Money CAN buy you happiness if you know how to spend it right. Spend more on experiences than on things. If you have to choose between a road trip with your friends or a new gadget, pack your bags. Likewise, spending money on others will make you happier than spending it on yourself. You just have to think of the last time you managed to get the perfect gift for someone to know what I mean. Take your friends out to their favourite restaurant, buy someone a ticket to a concert, get a meal for a homeless person or give away some money to someone in need.
18. Life does not come with an inherent or universal purpose. The purpose of your life is unique to you. Find out what you are passionate about, and ask yourself how you can use your gifts to make a difference in the world around you. Maybe you are great at supporting people through tough times, maybe you do a wonderful job at motivating people to action, or maybe no one can make people laugh as you do. During times of crisis, having a sense of purpose can help you rise to the challenge and remain hopeful. Several studies have shown that people who believe their life has some purpose tend to be happier and live longer.
19. You have the power to make a difference in the world around you. Don’t let it go to waste. Everything you do, every word you say has some impact on the people whose lives intersect with yours. Make sure the impact is positive. Let your words uplift someone, let your kindness comfort a distressed soul.
20. Believe in yourself and be confident in what you bring to the table. I am all for constructive criticism. All of us have some blind spots that others can help us uncover. But someone else’s opinion of us should not make us question our worth. Differentiating between constructive feedback and negative criticism is crucial. If we always assess ourselves based on how others see us, our self-esteem will take a nosedive.
21. Upgrading yourself every day is the key to success and fulfilment. Work on yourself and measure your progress. Be better than the person you were yesterday. One of the most rewarding feelings in life is realizing how much you have grown over the years and how far you have come.
22. Celebrate your wins, be they big or small. We are quick to beat ourselves up when we fail to reach a goal we’ve set for ourselves, but we hardly ever take the time to celebrate our triumphs. Aced a test? Revel in the feeling of accomplishment. Received praise for a job well done? Take yourself out to a movie. Be proud of all that you have achieved in life. Positive self-reinforcement for your victories will motivate you to work harder and scale new heights of success.
23. As a human being, you are supposed to feel the full spectrum of emotions. You are not supposed to be happy all the time, and you cannot pick and choose your feelings. Resisting negative emotions is a major psychological stressor. The more acceptance you have for the negative feelings that will invariably crop up from time to time, the happier you will be.
24. Happiness is like a muscle: the more you exercise it, the stronger it grows. All of us have a baseline level of happiness aka a hedonic set point. While major curveballs do certainly affect our level of happiness, eventually we return to our set point. We do not have much control over the challenges that life presents to us, but increasing our happiness baseline is certainly in our hands. Adopting happiness-boosting activities and habits — practising mindfulness and gratitude, cultivating and nurturing our relationships, and cherishing the little things that others take for granted — can increase our hedonic set-point over time.
25. While I believe finding happiness in life is important, I also believe that there is more to life than chasing happiness. Life is about discovering and living your purpose. It is about learning, growing, rising above your challenges, and making a difference.
26. Know that loss, pain and grief are universal experiences. You are not alone in your suffering. Countless others have faced and managed to overcome what they believed to be insurmountable obstacles. Be kind to yourself when you are struggling. No one is immune to grief, but remember that pain is not permanent. You will triumph over your challenges.
27. Once you overcome your struggles, use your experience to help others going through something similar. Lend them your strength, share your wisdom, tell them how you got through, let them know that it gets better, and help them look forward to tomorrow. Humanity evolves when people help each other grow.
28. Use your voice to make a difference. Share your story and let others learn from your experiences. Talk about things that matter. Speak up for yourself, and speak up for those who don’t yet know how to speak up for themselves.
*Yes, the title is a Milton reference.
